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The path breaks in two
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| Today I put roses on Tyler's headstone. There was snow on the ground and the wind almost knocked me over. Because I had decided to drive down to Utah County at the last minute it was almost dark yet still light enough for me to see the stone the bears his name, Tyler Stillwell Gray. I said a few words and cried. I cried all the way to his parents' house. And then when his mother opened the door and pulled me into her arms I cried and Judy cried. Lots of love and understanding there. We talked for about an hour before I left. I love Tyler's family so much. They have become my own. And until the day I die I will visit, know and love them.
I still miss him.
| comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| I started school a couple of weeks ago. I am a busy, busy girl now. My life is school, work, homework, repeat. Sometimes I get to see and spend time with my husband. Lately, not as much as I would like. I just have to keep reminding myself that at the end of all this I'll be one step closer to my dream of becoming a photographer/photojournalist. And of course sell some of my paintings too. Right now it's just rough.
Eric and I are finally starting to plan our reception party. We have a small budget but I am confident that we can work something nice out. I am trying not to over stress myself. It's just a big party to celebrate our marriage.
Anyway, hope all is well in your lives. :)
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| | Current Music: | Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career | | Time: | 09:53 am |
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| Soooo, Eric and I are house hunting! It's scary and exciting. We have talked about marriage too. I am not sure when that is going to happen but I know it will. Yay! I am also working on buying a car. I start school in the fall. I am excited for all these things.
Things are great and I am happy. :) | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am not sure why but I have been thinking about ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jentle so much lately. She pops in my head quit frequently. She was so beautiful and smart and amazing. She made me want to be a better person, a better woman. I suppose I just miss her and I didnt even know her half as well as so many others out there. I guess that is just a testament to how wonderful she truly was.
.:Sigh:. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
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YAY!!! I am so excited! What a great trailer. What a great book. I love the Arcade Fire too.
PS I am 27 today!!! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today is my daughter's 5th birthday. I forgot all about it. And the only way that I could remember how old she was turning was that I knew that Tyler's 5th death anniversary was this year. Lets put the cherry on top of this. I forgot Tyler's birthday this year too. Hopefully I wont forget the date of our son's birthday and Tyler's final goodbye this year also.
I feel horrible. I am scum. Who forgets?????
| | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today is Tyler's birthday. He would have been 27.
Happy Birthday Tyler! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | M83 - M83 | | Subject: | Oh God | | Time: | 01:56 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/grumpy_sy.gif) annoyed |
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| Why do things always have to come back down to religion? WHY is it that you can be doing great in every aspect of your life but because you dont go to some church all your success are dismissed? Religion starts wars, tears people apart, forms lines that shouldnt be crossed and turns people into self righteous, annoying, little monsters with fingers that always point away.
I hate that I live in a Mormon state. And because I once believed I am one that has "fallen away" and can be brought back to "the fold". Because I dont believe anymore I am said to not truly be happy with my life and that I am not living to my utmost potential.
I believe in A God. I believe in being a good person. I believe that everyone has the right to believe what they want even if at the end of our days it is wrong or right. I honestly dont care what others believe as long as they are happy and arent trying to bring me down.
QUIT POINTING YOUR FINGERS AT ME! AND QUIT TRYING TO GET ME INTO YOUR CHURCHES! If I want to go Ill go. If I believe Ill believe. Other than that please just shut up about it.
PS I am sorry if this offends you but I have been offended a lot lately concerning religion. Thus the rant. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | I did it! | | Time: | 05:14 pm | | Current Mood: | YAY!!! |
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| After 8 long years I finally got my high school diploma! I am so excited. I am so happy. I am so proud of myself.
I feel so thankful for all the love and support that I have received this past year. This was the year that I finally pushed myself forward. And Eric! He helped me so much. He taught me to believe in myself. And here I am, finally a high school graduate at 26 years old. I can finally start my life! I can get a better job. I can go to school.
I am so happy! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:05 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/pensive_sy.gif) thoughtful |
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I am thinking of Tyler today and remembering his smile. He had a great smile. Man, I miss him. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | I grew up in a mormon family. I dont know what I believe anymore. One thing I do know that I believe in is EQUALITY in marriage. This is a tough one to talk about with my family. They are always saying its wrong and talking about how it should never be legal for same sex marriage. This is strange to me because even though we were mormon my parents were always pretty liberal in their ways. When they get going on how wrong they think homosexuality and same sex marriage is I could explode. Why does it matter to them how someone else chooses to live their lives? Why does it matter to anyone for that matter? Its fucking stupid! Love is love. Life is life. People are people. The end. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| This asshole hit me on purpose and then sped off.
He had his window down and I told him that I was going around him. He didnt say aything but looked annoyed. Then as I passed him he hit my back tire which knocked me over. Then he just takes off. He was one of those jock douchbag types. I'm okay. My shoulder hurts from trying to protect myself from the fall. I cried a lot today though. I called the cops on his ass and now they are looking for him.
Oh yeah, there was a woman walking across the street that saw it happen and she didnt do shit. She just kept on walking.
What is wrong with people???????!!!!!!!
Anyway, he was driving a sporty black car.
Here is his license plate number:
UTAH
760 PFK
If you see this car call me so I can fuck him up.
Or at least press charges against the mother fucker! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 09:51 am | | Current Mood: | annoyed |
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| Things the world is without:
Common courtesy
Common sense | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Well, I guess no one reads this blog anymore. So whatever.
I went to Lagoon for the first time ever yesterday. I've only been on a roller coaster once in my whole 26 years of life. I went yesterday and it was awful and amazing. I cried and when I got off I was shaking. I dont know why people like feeling that way. The one part that I did enjoy was screaming at the top of my lungs. I have needed to do that for years.
One of Tyler's little brother's got married last weekend. I love how much all of his family loves and accepts me. It's awesome that I can bring my boyfriend to Tyler's house or family functions and feel nothing but love. They are amazing people and I am so glad that I have them in my life. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| 1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13: Post the most recent picture of yourself:
RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:
PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Shaved Women by Crass
"Shaved Women
collaborators
Shaved Women
Are they traitors
Dead bodies all around
Screaming babies
Screaming babies
Screaming babies
Shaved Women
instigators
Shaved Women
disco dancing
Shaved Women
shooting dope
Screaming babies
Screaming babies
Screaming babies
In all your decadence people die
In all your decadence people die"
I love that it makes me think and reminds me to give a shit about something other than myself. I like it when Eric tells me to listen to something and it clicks. I think I'll listen to more Crass. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Well, somewhere along the line television mysteriously took over my life. And Its made me quite depressed. Eric and I came to the realization that its taken us away from US. Its pretty pathetic. I mean every now and then vegging out is okay but not EVERY DAY. Not when there are more important and meaningful things to do.
Obviously there are shows that I love to watch. To name a few there's Sex and the City, LOST, America's Next Top Model, Law and Order: SVU, CSI (only the vegas one), Family Guy, almost anything on Animal Planet and the news. I guess that is a lot but compared to how much tv I actually do watch its not that many. Somehow those AWFUL reality television shows and every other lame show and rerun gets to me. It keeps my eyeballs glued to the screen. I hate it!
Lately in the back of my mind I keep thinking, "why am I watching this? Eric and I could be running or kissing. I could be painting or taking pictures or reading." But I cant seem to peel myself away. So I sit and feel guilty and depressed that all I did was watch tv.
Well, now that is going to change. Eric and I are making up a plan to vastly limit the amount of television that we watch. Because at the end of my life I'd hate to say that I spent most of my time watching tv. Ew. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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The path breaks in two
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happy
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distressed![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/hyper_sy.gif){kind=small}
determined